Migraine Poem at 3 AM

A patient shared this with me, and gave me permission to post his migraine poem. He wrote this at 3:00am while suffering from a migraine, mostly to explain it to non-sufferers, but also to thank his wife (and caretaker).

I wanted to take the opportunity to post it as a reminder that migraineurs are not alone in their thoughts and pain, and their interdependence on loved ones. We can use this to fuel the fire in our fight against headache. February is Headache on the Hill.

I lay half awake

It is not yet dawn

I search for the pain,

Which side are you on?

The front, back, the right or left?

“Does it really matter?” I ask under my breath

I rub my eyes try to think about the day

Then I find you.  You never went away.

There you are, my daily reminder

Why on Earth can’t you be gentler or kinder?

It’s time to get ready

Try to organize my thoughts

The pain is intense,

I lose all the plots

I wash my face, wet my hair to get going,

My wife is watching

“How you feeling today?”

She asks, always knowing

My answer’s the same

As the days, weeks, & months before

“Pain is still there, I’ll just try to ignore.”

She tries to be patient, she does really well

It hurts her too. I know, I can tell.

I really can’t remember, how long it has been

Since I was normal when the day would begin

I take all the meds that the Doc says should help

“Just another hopeless dream.” I say to myself

I get through the day, exhausted and weak

The pain and the meds have me dead on my feet

“How do you do it?” people always ask

“Because I have to.  It’s as simple as that.”

I arrive home and my family is leery

What kind of mood is he in?

Is it goofy or fury?

I want to be happy and really do try

But the pain in my head says

“Nope. Not Tonight!”

I gripe, complain, and make everyone feel bad

I know that my son just wants his Dad

I haven’t even mentioned the depression and sadness

Why in the hell can’t I escape all this madness?

What did I do to deserve such a fate?

Not put enough in the collection plate?

I take a hot shower and squeeze my head crying

I swear that it feels like my spirit is dying

I pray to God and beg for mercy

I just want a day without pain, without cursing

I then think of Jesus, the burden he bore

The pain he endured so my soul can be restored

I do not dare to think that I am Him

Or that this is equal to the torture inflicted by men

I talk to myself, I talk to the walls

What else can I do other than bawl?

I continue to pray and ask for a sign

Then I remember. She’s there by my side

She’s held my hand, rubbed my temples

She’s tried to comfort me when I start to tremble

She’s wiped my tears, and rubbed my back

What have I done to deserve love like that?

I never really say thank you

Just take her for granted, always forgetting

The love that I’ve been handed

I don’t suffer alone, yet I feel so empty

Just please Dear God, take this pain away from me

We could be so happy, just like we were

Back in the day before being cursed

So I take more meds and continue to hope

Maybe there’s an answer in all of this dope

I’ll meet with my Doctor, make more plans

Talk about results, More therapies, More scans

Eight trials down. Many more to go

Hoping for results that have promise to show

Migraines are difficult and painful

To say the least

I’m not just talkin about one, two, or three

Ten to eighteen a month.

Those are the numbers for me

They dominate my world

Have taken over my life

They even control my job, my children, and my beautiful wife.

If you see me in pain, please don’t ask “What can I do?”

Just give me some space, eventually, I’ll get through.

Not all days are bad, some are really nice

I just wish there were more, just a few would suffice

- Anonymous, 2019